He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
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Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
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So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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