Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
