She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
