I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
