New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
God, I missed his penis.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
