i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize