i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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