u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
