so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
