Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Sext me about skeletons
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
