I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
