nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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