Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
