why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
