Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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