you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My vagina is officially offended.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
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