Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
