Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
