I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
