im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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