Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
