so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
