there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
