made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
