at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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