I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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