just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
