I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
