I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
