Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
