Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
we made out on top of his cat.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
