he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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