you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
