I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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