how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
