last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
