you guys were way drunker than both of me
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
