My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
