I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
