I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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