I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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