I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
