just survived the first fart of the relationship.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
