i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
