It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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