I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
