I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
