I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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