Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
What drink are we having for lunch?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
