Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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