I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
