who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
