I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
