at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
