It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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