Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize