I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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