i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
