I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
