when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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