What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
