it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
