Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
