Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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