Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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