Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
