I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
