I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
