i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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