i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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