I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Soap is not a condiment
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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