Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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