At least make sure they are 18
Why
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
