I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
he was CRYING into my vagina
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
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Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
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apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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