Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
It was like getting head from an anaconda
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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