New invention idea: vibrating tampons
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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