You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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