He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
