I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
