I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
