I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
