I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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