Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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