I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
