eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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