So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
