3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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