sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
pop tarts are not kleenex
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
