alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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